Morning Star
by Kayoko
Summary: Have you ever wondered why Botan is a ferry girl? This is my version of botan's life before the reikitantei. “Suicidal thoughts don’t last long,” Akina (her best friend in my story) had said. “They’ll be gone in a few days, three days max.” Slightly dep


A/N: Hi people who read this. I finally wrote somewhat of a depressing fanfict. Read and review. I'm sorry about the chapter lengths. I'm not very good at writing long chapters, especially when it comes to fanfiction. I write more fiction, than fanfiction (If you know what I mean.)

The song isn't mine. Neither is Yu Yu Hakusho. The song is from a game called Lunar. I know nothing about the game. Don't ask me anything.

The first chapter of my story is kind of strange. Don't worry, the rest of the fanfict lightens up.

"Suicidal thoughts don't last long," Akina had said. "They'll be gone in a few days, three days max." These words echoed in Botan's mind, playing over and over again like a broken record. But Akina doesn't understand. These thoughts seem to never stay away. They would always come back.

No one can understand her life. It was too painful to put in words. Her mother and father were divorced, but then her mother died shortly afterwards. Botan lived with her father but it's not like she sees him anyways. After her boyfriend dumped her, she felt as if she was about to break. It seems as if she was alone in this world, with no one to support her, uncertain which path to take, or when to turn back.

She sat in a forest, staring at the blade she held in her hand. The blade illuminated by the soft pale moonlight. It was so beautiful, yet so deadly. One stroke would end this; free her from this pain forever.

_Wishing on a dream that seems far off_

_Hoping it will come today._

_Into the starlit night,_

_Foolish dreamers turn their gaze,_

_Waiting on a shooting star._

She placed the knife gently on her wrist, trying to decide whether or not to apply pressure; as if part of her wanted to live but a part of her wanted to die. She bit the bottom of her lip and pressed down onto the blade, watching the blood creep out, staining the nearby grass. Blood, warm and comforting, she wanted more. After all, it didn't hurt. She dragged the blade across her other wrist, deeper this time, as blood pumped out of the wound matching her heartbeat in perfect harmony.

_But, what if that star is not to come?_

_Will their dreams fade to nothing?_

_When the horizon darkens most,_

_We all need to believe there is hope._

Wishes are empty thoughts, never fulfilled. They always seem so far away. Once you try to catch them, they manage to escape. They tease you when you cry, they laugh when you scream. You look around with pleading eyes at others, but others are too involved in their own problems to feel your pain.

Botan looked up into the night sky. The stars stared at her emotionlessly. Nothing seemed to care about her. Even the moonlight seemed cold tonight. The man on the moon was sitting there doing nothing. There was no reassuring smile, nor twinkling eyes, which made her wanting to die faster.

_Is an angel watching closely over me?_

_Can there be a guiding light I've yet to see?_

_I know my heart should guide me, but,_

_There's a hole within my soul._

Botan was now shivering because of the lack of blood. She covers herself in the crimson liquid, attempt to warm herself up. She felt a sudden panic rise up inside of her, for she realized what she had done. She had gone too far this time. Nothing can save her now. It was an endless hallway with no way back.

_What will fill this emptiness inside of me?_

_Am I to be satisfied without knowing?_

Her life wasn't so bad after all. She had friends; she made her own choices, and even got an allowance. She could have done so much in life, but she threw it all away.

A sharp feeling of regret was growing inside of her. She laid on the blood stained grass hoping someone would come and rescue her. She was a weak after all, weak enough to run at the first signs of trouble.

The human mind craves sympathy. It will do anything to get it, even self-destruct.

She wanted a second chance, a new life, a new beginning. Maybe dying isn't that bad after all. Maybe she would be able to start over in heaven.

_I wish, then, for a chance to see,_

_Now all I need, (desperately)_

Her vision started to blur. Darkness quickly consumed her, like a monster swallowing her whole. She stared up into the bluish-purple sky. One last star remained. It seemed to smile down at her reassuringly, as if death isn't the end of everything. Botan could feel herself smiling back, as she drew her last breath and closed her eyes for the last time. Just like the morning star, the last minute of life is precious.

_Is my star to come..._

A/N: I hope you liked it. As I have said the rest of the story will lighten up and actually become humorous. Review please. Arigato.


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